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AFL officially declares pre-season form worthless

AFL officially declares pre-season form worthless

Following Carlton’s win over Richmond at the MCG last night, AFL CEO and well-known campaigner against free thought, Andrew Demetriou, has declared pre-season form to be “absolutely f*cking worthless.” Demetriou’s…

Carlton launch realistic membership campaign

Carlton launch realistic membership campaign

After a number of years in which the club ran provocative membership slogans alluding to an imminent premiership, the Carlton Football Club used yesterday’s season launch to announce a more…

Local derelict can’t fathom why Michael Hurley’s such a big deal all of a sudden

Local derelict can’t fathom why Michael Hurley’s such a big deal all of a sudden

Local derelict John Wright simply can’t fathom why Michael Hurley is all of a sudden such a big deal, the Associated Press reported earlier today. “Seriously… what has he done…

Sheedy inadvertently delivers GWS inaugural pre-match address

Sheedy inadvertently delivers GWS inaugural pre-match address

Greater Western Sydney spokesman Kevin Sheedy inadvertently delivered the fledgling club’s inaugural pre-match address on Saturday night. The Daily Maggot understands that Giants coach Mark Williams was originally scheduled to…

Formerly relevant douchebag seeks attention

Formerly relevant douchebag seeks attention

Linguistics Professor Dr Annette Burd has sensationally backed-up claims by once relevant football identity Jason Akermanis that his derogatory comments about the late Jim Stynes were greatly misunderstood by the broader…

Red NAB Cup kit a tribute to precarious financial state: Bulldogs CEO

Red NAB Cup kit a tribute to precarious financial state: Bulldogs CEO

The Western Bulldogs have confirmed their predominantly red NAB Cup guernsey was inspired by a need to honour the club’s traditionally precarious financial state. The Daily Maggot understands that the…

RIP Jim Stynes

RIP Jim Stynes

Today is not a day for footy satire. Jim Stynes was the childhood hero of two of The Maggots and held in the highest regard by the other. Our thoughts…

Crows amend constitution to allow possibility of brunette midfielder

Crows amend constitution to allow possibility of brunette midfielder

In the wake of the Matthew Rendell racism saga, the board of the Adelaide Football Club has sensationally amended its constitution to allow for the possibility of a brunette to…

AFL Media ignores Pies form to relentlessly pursue Watts criticism

AFL Media ignores Pies form to relentlessly pursue Watts criticism

  The AFL Press Association has confirmed its members will continue their predictable and unwarranted attacks on the form of young Melbourne forward Jack Watts throughout the NAB Cup “because…

Rudd set to challenge Gillard as Bulldogs Number 1 Ticket Holder

Rudd set to challenge Gillard as Bulldogs Number 1 Ticket Holder

After emphatically losing the Labor leadership poll at this morning’s caucus meeting, former Prime Minister and Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd has launched a dramatic challenge to Julia Gillard’s mantle as…