Oxford award Dermott Brereton honoury Ph.D in Linguistics

Oxford University, the world’s oldest and second most prestigious university behind La Trobe’s Bundoora campus, has awarded Hawthorn champion Dermott Brereton an honoury Ph.D in Linguistics for his peerless use of first-person singular pronouns.

Experts now believe first-person singular pronouns, such as “I” and “me”, now comprise over 70% of Brereton’s vocabulary.

“Whether it be subject, object, possessive or even reflexive, Dermott’s unmatched use of first-person personal pronouns in the absence of relevant context is something many scholars once thought impossible” Lord Ponkingthwistle, head Linguist at Oxford’s Trinity College said.

The Daily Maggot understands the green-light for the Ph.D came after Brereton successfully used ‘I’, ‘me’, ‘mine’ and ‘my’ in a seven-word question about his career during a recent post-match interview with St Kilda’s Jarryn Geary.