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The vast majority of Essendon supporters still believe it to be the year 2000, a report released yesterday by the University of Melbourne’s Centre for Unnecessary and Irrelevant Research revealed.
The AFL commissioned the report after concerned Carlton officials overheard Bombers fans discussing “how good it was to see Darren Bewick still firing in the twilight of his career” following their 10-goal loss to the Blues in last year’s elimination final.
The Essendon Football Club: A Study In Denial, conducted via a series of clinical trials at Etihad Stadium during season 2012, concluded that the consistency of delusion among Essendon supporters was most likely a subconscious defence mechanism against the “steaming pile of diseased horse faeces” that the club has quickly become.
While the report found that many Bombers fans slipped into a permanent state of denial in November 2004 when Ty Zantuck was drafted, some have shown symptoms of chronic denial since late September 2001.
“It’s so hard to pinpoint a singular cause” head researcher Dr Andrew McKay said. “They’ve just f*cked-up continually these past 11 years… but if I was to hazard a guess I’d say re-contracting Courtney Johns in 2006 was the point-of-no-return for many people.”