Goddard solely to blame for doping crisis: Hird

What are you on James? No literally, what are you on?

Brendan Goddard is under mounting pressure to step-down from the Essendon leadership group after James Hird’s shocking revelation this morning that the former St Kilda midfielder is the sole person responsible for the performance-enhancing drug crisis that has engulfed the club.

“Do you think it’s a coincidence that this club has been in the sh!t ever since that mercenary stepped through our doors?” Hird said.

“He came to us from a club with a rich history of scandals ranging from salary cap breaches to assistant coaches betting on the outcome of games… Oh f*ck that was actually us wasn’t it?” the man who meets the clinical definition of a militant narcissist said. “A club so impoverished they couldn’t even afford to pay someone to provide Ahmed Saad with a clean sample on game day… amateurs.”

“But I won’t stand idly by and watch this club implode because of a few completely innocent individuals like Brendan, Dean Robinson and David Evans refusing to accept responsibility for my actions. Mark my words, I will not rest until I’ve removed every possible scapegoat from this club. From the boot-studder to the coach, well… maybe not the coach… but everyone who isn’t me – you’re on notice!”

At the time of print, The Daily Maggot understands Goddard was slumped on his haunches in the Windy Hill dressing rooms reflecting on the oaths broken and friendships compromised all for the sake of $100,000 and an elusive Premiership that will never be forthcoming.

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4 Responses to Goddard solely to blame for doping crisis: Hird

  1. Aussiesmurf Reply

    August 1, 2013 at 10:06 am

    He’s back!!!

  2. Catfish Pig Reply

    August 1, 2013 at 10:13 am

    Bang!! Welcome back DM.
    #cfpneversleeps

  3. Luke Reply

    August 1, 2013 at 10:16 am

    It was $92,000.

  4. Mat Reply

    August 1, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Welcome back!
    Then again, if such a set of scandals can’t bring you back, what else can?

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