Breaking Bad’s Heisenberg source of Dons’ New Mexico drugs: exclusive

The Essendon Football Club’s claim that a contentious drug administered to its playing group was sourced from New Mexico rather than Mexico has sensationally backfired this morning when notorious albeit fictional Albuquerque-based drug manufacturers Walter “Heisenberg” White and Jesse Pinkman took credit for the supply.

“How f#cking dumb do they think the Australian public is” Pinkman questioned this morning. “Mexico… New Mexico… who gives a sh!t yo? That boarder is as porous as their corporate governance b!tch!”

“You’ll have to forgive my partner, he’s rather rambunctious” White interjected. “But I cannot sit here any longer and watch them blame Dank for their predicament. It was my product! My chemistry!”

Pressed further on the formative stages of the relationship, White elabourated – “for me it’s all about respect for the chemistry… and in Essendon I was able to find a partner that respected the chemistry more than the duty of care owed to their players.”

When asked if he had any advice for coach James Hird and the embattled club, White replied: “Pinkman and I accepted we’re the bad guys some time ago… I’d recommend they do the same. Oh, and come up with a catchphrase… REMEMBER MY SHAME has a nice ring to it.”

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